My darling… goodness. How has it already been a year since your last birthday? You’re growing up too fast ;A; More has happened in the last year than ever before. I think I might say that every year, but each year you’re alive is more exciting than the last, both in practice and sentiment. I’ve now seen you up close in person four times and both my head and heart are still reeling from those encounters. Especially on the final night of SMTown Week when you finally saw me… ;~; <3 I love you now more than ever and I feel as though I may burst at any minute with the swelling pressure of it.
Despite the lack of Super Junior activities this year, you have kept yourself quite busy. This year has been speckled with your various talents and accomplishments, punctuated by new endeavors and outlined by sides of you we’ve never seen before.
I am speaking, of course, of Mamma Mia. The light on the horizon of your career this year, speaking from a Gaemer’s point of you. Generally speaking, you like to keep yourself reserved and calm. Perhaps you are aware of the air of mystery it creates and you revel in it. Or maybe you think nothing of it and it’s simply a part of the shy, self-conscious boy we all know and love. But on Mamma Mia, it’s like we got to see through a little window… into a compartment you don’t willingly showcase. You seemed more in your element there than any other television program I’ve ever seen you on. Not only did you continuously leave your comfort zone and come out of your shell on the show, but you shed your shell completely. And I’m so, so proud. You’ve blossomed into the most beautiful and rare flower and it’s been an honor and a privilege to watch you grow. You were able to use not only your wit and charm, but also your playfulness and youth. As an idol, you were forced to grow up too fast. You were robbed of your personal life and in exchange were handed a persona. But on Mamma Mia, I felt like the laid-back atmosphere allowed you to be yourself more. You were able to experience new situations and try new activities, things you may never have gotten the opportunity to try had it not been for the show. From chopping wood to riding a horse, everything you did was so cute and entertaining because it was so new to you. I think the transformation you underwent on the show lent itself to your overall development as a person this past year. You’re willing to try so much more than in the past and you seem so much more comfortable within in your own skin and it warms my heart. :’)
Furthermore, I cannot neglect to mention your most recent musical… just.. wow. When I heard it would be set in the Josen Dynasty, I was overjoyed because I knew you would be as well, what with your love of historical dramas. And now you’re in one. And not only that but you’re a king. No longer are you merely my king, but you finally get to be acknowledged as that which I always saw you. Finally you’re able to adorn the robes and crown that have always been so rightfully yours. And as someone who has now seen the musical twice, I can say that you wear them better than anyone ever has. You were born for this role. The playful, cute side and the brooding, passionate side. A hopeless romantic through and through, I can’t imagine a better choice than you to play this role. And your voice. I think the goosebumps I felt the first time I heard you sing in that opera house will be permanently raised on my skin. No words can describe the sensation I feel when I hear your voice resound through the hall, when I hear your voice break in sorrow, or when I see a smile split across your voice. Your acting has improved so much to the point where I believe every emotion you convey as the Crowned Prince.
When I saw you during SM Town Week, the first thought that crossed my mind was “He was born for this.” And you were. Every quality you possess, every feature you were blessed with, blends in a way that creates an aura around you, an aura that only a chosen few could ever hope to conjure. But what’s amazing about you, is that you have control over that aura, over the shining halo that hangs above your head. You can seemingly extinguish it within a moment’s notice depending on the situation. When you just want to kick back and be normal for once, that’s exactly what you are, in the most unadulteratedly beautiful sense of the word. Your fame doesn’t cloud your judgement or your ability to love and live. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have every private detail of my life pried into and exploited, but you still manage to have a life beyond what’s captured on camera. You don’t let your fame get in the way of living, and I think that says a lot about your character. You don’t overindulge your fans but instead live as someone we as fans can be proud of. Not to say those things are mutually exclusive, but I think the balance you’ve established is one of the most admirable things about you.
That all being said, I think you’ve successfully kept yourself grounded all this time. You’ve kept your friends from your childhood while ceaselessly making new ones along the way. I think it’s safe to say you have a friend for every day of the year, so that you’ll never ever be lonely again. The timid, unwanted boy who joined the industry all that time ago is no more. The man that stands before us now could blind us with his light and brings us to our knees in awe of him. With a heart of gold and a voice of velvet, you utilize your God-given gifts to make the world a warmer and kinder place, at least for me. You are an outstandingly beautiful boy with a glowing soul and overflowing talent. You’d think after four years I’d be able to at least have gotten closer to being able to fathom your existence, but it’s like the more I learn about you, the more I see, hear, soak up and experience… the less possible it seems.
Being perfect means “having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be” and to me, you do. I don’t think perfection is objective… I think I used to, but now that notion seems silly. What’s perfect to me may seem garish and skewed to someone and vice versa. I am not interested in someone with no faults, someone with flawless skin or someone who is impossible to anger. I don’t have time for someone with no dark inside them, because how then can we marvel at the light with nothing to compare it to? Without one extreme, how can we appreciate the other? To have faults is to be human and to be human is to be alive. And that’s all I ask for. The elements, qualities and characteristics Kyuhyun possess to me are all ideal and never have I encountered someone with quite as much life as Kyuhyun’s got. He’s practically brimming with it and I couldn’t be more enamored of him.
Continue to love and laugh and be happy, but know that it’s always okay to fight, cry and be sad, too, for that is what is to be human and therefore, alive. Do not feel ashamed to feel these emotions and never apologize for experiencing them. My only wish is that the days filled with negative emotions are limited as possible for you, Cho Kyuhyun. Although I have now seen you, I hope to one day be able to tell you… everything… or at least convey to you in some way how special you are. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times; you are a miracle Cho Kyu. And every day you shine your light is a miracle to everyone it touches. Thank you for improving my quality of life, even if you’re unaware of the extent of it. Thank you for sharing your voice and your smile and your humor. Thank you for being alive. I love you, so much, and I look forward to spending the rest of my days looking up to you. I try not to idolize you, because I would never do you the disservice of depriving you of your humanity, but I do think you are definitely worthy of our admiration and a very suitable role model.
Happy birthday, Cho Kyu. I hope it’s filled with as much joy as you’ve bestowed upon me (which, mind you, is un-quantifiable amount). Again, I love you and I thank you ♥